Very rarely does an event happen, wherein the course of human history is forever altered thereafter. The discovery of fire. The invention of the wheel. The creation of the internet. Humankind’s first steps on the moon. These moments are undeniable turning points toward the betterment and progress of our species. Their impact is undeniable from the frozen seas of the south, to the sands of the middle-east, the cities of the west, and the great wall in the east. every man, woman and child has been impacted by these events. I’m here to tell you the next step of human history is here, and much like those examples, it will forever change the world.
Garfield Kart is here.
Such is the artistic beauty of Garfield Kart, that mother nature herself finally feels as though she has a rival. From the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, to the North American marvel that is the Grand Canyon, mother nature has spend a millennia crafting scenery that is inspiring enough to bring a tear to the eye. Now, after so many years of being at her whim, we finally have created something so awe-inspiringly beautiful, that mother nature herself is no longer the universe most gifted artists. Humanity has created Garfield Kart, and we are finally the dominant power in the universe for it.
We have seven wonders of the world, crafted by nature and the human hand to create beauty of superior impact, and these are mere shadows in the tall stature that is cast by Garfield Kart. The Roman Empire is glad of its fall, as to not live in the shadow of Garfield Kart. Game of Thrones is glad of its fall, as to not live in the shadow of Garfield Kart. Harry Potter is glad of its completion, as to not live in the shadow of Garfield Kart. The Beatles are glad for their fading, as to not life in the shadow of Garfield Kart. Nuclear Warheads are glad of their silence, as to not live in the shadow of Garfield Kart.
Ludwig van Beethoven, Frank Sinatra, Michael Jackson and Justin Bieber all together have been dethroned. Their compositions, their ability, their artistry and beauty to the ear have all been felled. Their competition too great, their foe to mighty. The sound of Garfield Kart has come. A truer David and Goliath story has never been told, and yet, when the dust has settled, the David in Garfield Kart has laid low all of histories greatest musicians with it’s sound.
Think of the greatest stories ever told. Stories from William Shakespeare, Jane Austen, JRR Tolkien, HP Lovecraft, Stephenie Meyer. Truly masters of their craft. Masters of fiction. Masters of entertainment and the written word. These are all small gnats in comparison to the story-telling in Garfield Kart. A man, his cat. A cat that loves lasagna, and hates Mondays. Racing against other cartoon characters, in a go-kart. Truly! The most moving and powerful tale of fiction ever told.
Next, let me draw your attention to the human pursuit of happiness. The desire to feel joy, to flood our brains with endorphins and never step back, no matter the obstacle. Think of the most joyous moments of your life. The moments that gave you pause, and made you reflect on true happiness. Perhaps a significant birthday, a wedding, the birth of your child, a career success. Moments that you knew you were alive, and glad for it. Those days will turn into the bitter ash of insignificance and apathy after playing Garfield Kart for the first time. Such will be the pleasure and excitement, that all other rainbows will seem as dull cardboard when compared to time spent playing Garfield Kart.
Money. The root of all evil, or the true key to happiness? It’s something that philosophers and scholars have debated since trade first took root in our society. Think of the things that you need to spend money on. Maybe rent? Your mortgage? Food? Lifesaving medication? All these will seem like the highest of follies, truly some of the most useless wastes of currency, once you see the perfection of Garfield Kart. The only true method to happiness, is endless copies of Garfield Kart. All other expenses will seem like childish idiocies in comparison. And they are.
This is not the greatest review in the world, no. This is just a tribute. A tribute to Garfield Kart.